Chorizo Sausage Bikini Body

I have a little bottle of rescue drops attached to my belt and every time I have a panic attack, I take a swig. Instant relief.

Why am I so nervous, you ask? I'm only going to...MIAMIII!! Sure, the mammoth plane trip shouldn't freak me out, nor the nasty injection I have to administer before the plane trip, thanks to my maddening thrombosis (I can see myself now, hiding in the toilet cubicle in the airport while my flight is boarding, willing myself to puncture myself and get on with it...sweat and the shakes...oh hell!)

I am looking forward to absorbing myself in my my new book during the flight though - calming my nerves and escaping the jitters. 'The Delta', by Tony Park. Supposed to be a gripping read. I also bought myself a notebook to jot down my demented ramblings. That should keep me occupied during the flight. And then there's always whiskey!!

So I took myself off to the salon today to smother my body in spray tan. The beautician asked me which shade I'd like: light, medium or dark. "Medium" I blurted, thinking it would be a mild transformation for my in-the-process-bikini-body. Well, thank goodness I didn't go for the dark; I look like a chorizo sausage! What's worse, when I de-robed at home to survey the transformation, my heart sank...hiding below my butt, were two strikingly white stripes where the paint had come off after sitting in the car! Groan...Aren't they supposed to warn you about these things? She said I should avoid any contact with clothes or water for eight hours (extremely difficult unless you're walking home in the nude!) but as soon as I can, I'm going to attack those stripes with a bottle of fake tan and hopefully, my zebra status will diminish rapidly!

So here I sit, procrastinating the mountain of packing behind me; its messy mound messing with my sanity as I ponder the chores ahead of me before I leave 'terra firma' tomorrow.

Well, I best get to it. Where to start? Where does one start - shoes? A good a place as any. Here goes. The next time I drop a line, will be in Miami, Baby!!

Good-bye and love you all.
PS: My heart breaks at the thought of leaving my beautiful boy for a week and I'm going to be miserable for a few hours, but I'm hoping that'll all disappear as soon as my feet hit the ground.

To infinity and beyond!!!