December 21, 2012: The Dawning of a New Earth

December 21, 2012. The Day we have all been waiting for!

I first heard about this mysterious date some years ago. There was a lot of hype and uncertainty around it and the discussions always ended in breathy tones and excited babble.

Over the years, there has been more clarity about this looming event as further research has been uncovered and relayed to the public.

The end of the Mayan Calendar does not mean the end of the world. Human Beings are experiencing a new cycle of evolution. We are entering the 5th Dimension; the Golden Age of Truth. The planet is going through its spiritual awakening, moving out of the Piscean Age and into the Age of Aquarius. The planet and the human race is now quickly moving towards the point whereby and wherein the collective critical mass (i.e. more than 50%) of the world’s population will have had its spiritual awakening and be living in the pursuit of self-purification, of alignment with Divine will, and with loving motive and purpose as its mainstay.

I awoke this morning feeling stiff and tender from yesterday's powerful yoga class with Cassandra Collins at Yoga Odyssey. I had an early start and so prepared myself for the beautiful events I had planned around the Shift today.

I planted my feet firmly on the ground, erasing the night's memories from my mind. Grounding myself, I embraced the day with Love and excitement...until my four year old boy burst in and disrupted the peace. I banished my irritation with a cuddle and reminded myself that Luke is the embodiment of Love; it is for him and other Souls on this planet that I am raising my vibration. For what purpose?

I feel that my Purpose here is to heal Mother Earth and to bring the Light to those Souls who need it. It's not always like that though; I have my days when the Light totally eludes me, but I always try to do my best. At least I have reached a level of consciousness in this lifetime where my heart has had a taste of Pure Love. I get fleeting glimpses of it, magnificent and all-encompassing.

It feels wonderful when the Light glows and radiates from within. Warm, fuzzy goosebumps...
Luke, the Angel of my Life has been the catalyst for this bursting openness of my heart.



And so, with a head full of inspiration and a heart full of love, I set off on my quest to channel the Light on this powerful day.

My first encounter of the day involved a healing modality called 'Soul Retrieval'.

It is thought by healers who practise this modality, that when a person experiences great trauma, the Soul either splinters under the emotional distress or removes itself from the body. In my case, my Soul had shifted and needed to be brought back down. The fact that I chose to undergo this procedure on such an auspicious day, made the experience so much more powerful. The visions I and my healer had were vivid and magical.

Linda (Healer) mentioned that she would be inviting my Totem Animals into the Space during the procedure. As I began to float into my silence, the Buffalo instantly popped up. "Hardly a glamorous animal", I thought, wishing for Unicorns or Jaguars and pushed the thought aside.

It came to the time where I was to share my thoughts or visions of the Totem Animal I was seeing. Again, the Buffalo bobbed into view, but was instantly replaced by a plains Bison, frolicking in the golden sunshine. "Buffalo?" I offered cautiously. Linda nodded and said: "In fact, there are two Buffalos; a traditional, African Buffalo and a Bison from the plains of America". I nearly fell off the table, but let out a cry of delight instead.

Further visions revealed myself surrounded by Elementals and animals whilst a river of my tears released all the sorrow and pain I had felt through many incarnations. In another vision, I saw myself in a long, red dress, staff in hand, looking out over a patchwork landscape below. A hawk was sitting on my shoulder. I extended my arms and unleashed a wave of violet light that flowed across the land and to the world beyond. Consequently, my other two Totem Animals turned out to be a Jaguar - I knew it - and a Peacock, teasing me with his dashing feathers.

When I eventually emerged from this magical experience, I looked at myself in the mirror; my eyes were luminous, like silver moons, radiating the secrets of the Universe! I felt elated, ecstatic and in awe of my visions.

I had to fly! My next appointment was at the opposite side of town at the beautiful Ishta Yoga studio.

Manoeuvring from one part of the town to the other was a challenge in itself, but I remained calm and belted out the tunes (Emerge Into The Light, by Wiggzaro - an awesome album to compliment the oncoming Shift).

I tiptoed into a room full of inspired yogis. The silence hit me like a wave and engulfed me in its calm embrace. Just in time to chant the mantra 'OM'.

"OM" is the name of God, the vibration of the Supreme and is a vital part of the science of yoga. According to the ancient Indian traditions preserved in the Upanishads, all speech and thought are derived from one sound 'aum'.

And so we chanted together under a spell of deeply rooted harmonics, to spread Love and Light to our Fellow Beings and to the healing of our Beloved Planet. At one point the sun was illuminating my sequinned-heart t-shirt and I could feel the rays being reflected and dispersed across the room. "How perfect!" I thought, as I contorted my legs in yogic repose!

All too soon the class came to an end. Slowly we trickled out of the sacred space, sharing insights and affections about our Shifting experiences on this momentous day.

Like little, busy bees, we buzzed out into the world, excited to share, spread and communicate the Light with others.

What a day! I am so grateful to have initiated such wonderful experiences of Love and Friendship during this revolutionary time. As I sat with my Angel boy later that night, my head still whirling with emotions and inspiration, I marvelled at how lucky I am. No matter what happens from 21 December and beyond, all I need to do is look into my little boy's eyes to see the Source of It All. There, in his eyes, I find the answer to everything: LOVE! Love is all you need.

I open my arms to the beginning of a new chapter in my life. I behold in the stars and in the smiles of the many beautiful Souls around me, the potential for Great things. Onwards and upwards! Here we go! HAPPY NEW EARTH DAY!!

Big School - New Beginnings

After much prepping and coercing, the Big day arrived. Luke was going to 'big' school. Big, in Luke's terms, is Pre-Primary School. Compared to a few hours of Play school in the morning, regular school hours will be the norm now and our household was quaking from the big shift!

With shiny shoes and new satchel, complete with all the extras and necessities required for the day, we headed towards Luke's impending coming-of-age. My heart sat heavy in my chest - so proud of my little man, yet so sad that my little boy will not need me quite so much after today.

I sneaked a peep at Luke in the review mirror and I saw a mixture of excitement and bewilderment. I held back the tears. He was being so brave!

As we arrived at his new school, excitement turned to fear. "No, Mummy! I don't want to go to Big School! Can we go to the shops?" Anything to avoid going inside. My heart was about to explode, drenching us in a tsunami of tears and grief! Clutching the steering wheel so hard my knuckles turned white, I managed to keep the tears from erupting. I had to be brave for my boy.

I cuddled him in my arms, satchel hanging limply by my hand and we approached the daunting scenario. The merry headmistress came bounding along the path to greet us.

Luke's precious head was nestled so far into my neck, willing me to turn around and flee! With determined arms, I managed to pry him out from his snuggly den as we entered Luke's classroom - the place where he would spend the rest of the year growing up before our eyes.

It was chaotic! Children crying and mothers consoling. Teachers talking above the din, trying to assure us that all will be fine. I wasn't buying it, but I had to let go.

As soon as I tiptoed backwards towards the door, Luke's little face darted up. Red, crying eyes implored me to stay! His outstretched arms begged me to take him back, into my arms and the comfort of my love. He started to wail. And that's when the wall broke. My eyes welled up and a flood of tears cascaded down my grimaced cheeks. With a quick kiss and '" love you", I turned and ran, leaving my little boy to fend for himself - guilt and sorrow eating away at my wilting heart.

The story gets better and time has passed since that first tragic day. Luke is happier and he's learning to like school. He is making some friends and the teachers adore him.

When I fetch him each day after hours apart, he takes my hand and shows me where things are. I whisk him in my arms and we cuddle with glee and spend the rest of the day together, happy.

Post Party Bubble

The journey home always seems to take longer than the journey there, I mused as the never ending highway held us firmly in its grip. My eyes danced with the cats eyes flitting past the window as they lured us along the quiet road. Soon I fell into a blissful stupor and all the wonderful encounters I experienced this night came tumbling into mind.

My ringing ears further blocked out the cold morning outside. The music, ecstatic screaming and aural weirdness had taken its toll. As I fell into a mellow stupor, my body tingled with joy and my heart was warm; a cozy smile betraying my private thoughts.

Morning has broken...

Morning has broken...

My languid dreams disappeared into the ether this morning when a familiar coo summoned me for huggles at 5am!! I wanted to scream and bury my head under the warm folds of my duvet, but my heart started strumming a fervent tune so I peeled my legs off the bed and felt my way across the messy landscape in the dark. Ah, the sweet reward of a cuddly embrace!

Fast forward an hour later and I'm bouncing around the room pretending to be a swashbuckling pirate with my boy whilst the rugged sounds of Johnny Depp in the background keep me going! I love coffee!!

Cruising through the weaving traffic, I approached the familiar circle with reserved enthusiasm, only to be challenged to a fender duel by two rickety, old ladies in an SLK Merc!! My hands started waving hysterically and my mouth wanted to spew all manners of obscenity, but something harmonically good inside of me, halted.....and allowed the catastrophe to pass. The Grannies sped off alarmingly fast. I wasn’t sure whether I was impressed or incensed! So much for a peaceful start to the day. Surely the sanctity of Luke's classroom would be a relief from the hazards of road life!

No such thing. What an idiot to assume anything short of chaotic! Groups of little cherubs singing, painting, crying, shoving and shouting! Faces all snot-nosed and teary, rushing around defending their territory; it was too much for my neurotic brain.. With an apologetic grimace, I handed Luke over and fled!

In the silence of the car, my nerves felt strung out and it was only 8:30 in the morning! Was I really up for a grueling session with my personal trainer now? I turned on the radio as if I might find my answer there. A quirky voice babbled out and I felt instant relief - relief that there was someone else out there who had it worse off than I did; at least I could dribble home as soon as I felt like it. Suddenly I felt inspired: damn it! I’m going to be the better person! I’m going to get out there and kick my winter arse good-bye!

I was quite mistaken; it wasn’t me who hurled abuse at my arse, but my trainer. An hour of absolute torture on my limbs caused me to wobble to my car like a geriatric. Cancel all the complaints from earlier; NOW I was finished!

As I flopped onto my bed at last, a sweet feeling of pure bliss swept over me. At last I could relax and immerse myself in the quiet of my solitude. What a rigorous start to the day - how is anyone ever supposed to come out of a morning like this and still be expected to be cool?
"Meditation”...my Inner-me answered.

Yeah, yeah..give me another couple hours won’t you?!

But a couple of hours more I did not have and I dragged my feet off the bed and planted them on the floor with a grand thud! My cogs whirred into place and my body fell into line automatically. So beginneth the next chapter in my day...

Lilliview's photostream

Lilliview's photostream on Flickr.

Lunacy

 

Tripod in one hand and camera in the other, I lumbered into the garden, terrifying all nightly creatures in my wake with my noisy clanging and cursed mutterings. Looking up to the Heavens, I marvelled at the glowing orb above me.

I felt a little shiver as I pondered over how people in Ancient times must have felt; peering up at the ominous Body in the sky above them. They must have experienced a sense of apocalyptic fear and awe during a Lunar Eclipse.

Shaking off the dregs of foreboding, I went about erecting my tripod in the most suitable position for capturing the Moon’s transformation…not an easy task, I soon realised.

First I had to find the moon because my

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darned LCD screen wasn’t working so I had a limited view through the tiny viewfinder. Eventually I caught a glimpse of a tiny, silver spot in the frame! Now I had to stabilise the tripod so that the only connection of my trembling finger to the fragile setup would be to push the button and snap away.

Ha! That was a mission! Every time I adjusted one of the legs, the moon bounced away, escaping my clutches. After fumbling around frantically, I finally imprisoned the Lunatic and gingerly prodded the shoot button - ‘click, click, click’…

Suddenly the blasted tripod started wavering. Each time I hit the button, the rubber foot yielded its grasp a little more so that once again, I had to stake out the Moon in a frustrated sequence of  prodding and cussing!

Gotcha! I wasn’t going to lose Her this time. I shoved my eye into the misty frame snapping away until my aching shoulders conceded defeat.

Not bad, I thought, for my first attempt and with a glow in my heart, I left Her to it and simmered down to wallow in Her magnificence.

My Life at Work

Another eviction over and another life destroyed. It's an emotional game, this reality show. As an observer, I find it extremely difficult not to become entangled in these people's lives; in their fears and hopes and in this case, bitter disappointment.

Who was evicted? The Housemate in question is the South African girl, Nkuli. Her face a picture of utter shock as she realised her fate in front of millions of people. Nowhere to hide. This is why we watch. These moments of human nature, exposed in the naked truth, provide us with fascinating entertainment.

We shriek in anticipation and horror as we witness the reactions from the Housemates. We find ourselves identifying with their character flaws and judging them in retaliation of the voice inside us that shares their shame. We feel relieved that other people are getting the flack for choices we all make every day and laugh at them to cover our own humiliation.

As a person who is constantly trying to find peace through truth, watching the show induces in me an ongoing internal battle between right and wrong, good and bad. The eternal feud of humankind. Every time I 'whoop' with delight as one of the Housemates is berated, I am filled immediately with a sense of shame. Shame in myself for enjoying someone else's misery. As much as I feel the satisfaction of witnessing someone else's retribution on another, my heart knows that it is all an illusion. This game of life has many faces. Each individual is propelled along their own path of choices and consequences that fit perfectly into their Big Plan so for me to judge them or to feel satisfied with the events that unfold around them is to hide behind those issues that I myself, plan ton deal with.

This is one of the reasons why I love working on a production like this. I am constantly engaged in self-realisation and reflection as I love, hate and grow with these people on the screen. And I get to make the pictures look pretty...and it's all LIVE!

Lucky me!

Snow in Jozi!

My head is filled with the thrill of snow! A cultivated world of mirrors and deception where anything is possible. This is the land from which I return to reality and as I sit here settling into my familiar skin, I struggle to pacify my excitement as I reflect on the surreal events of the evening.

Channel O, house music and foam. What a combination! Take it one step further and add passion and the beautiful vision of my camera operators and you have a melting pot of exquisite creativity! That was how my evening rolled tonight! I LOVE MY JOB!

I was fortunate enough to be the Director on shift in the Big Brother House this evening for the live Channel O party. With bated breath and quickening pulse, the house doors opened onto a garden filled with snow, creating a winter wonderland. The Housemates were provided with Christmas costumes to coincide with the theme and the sight of gorgeous guys and girls in sexy elfin threads set the tone for the party!

No matter how much you prepare for the unfolding events on this show, you can never predict how it's going to go so when the housemates poured out into the garden and saw a landscape of foam that looked like snow, their screams and excitement tingled my senses! And so the party began!

The air was alive and on fire, pulsating to the sounds of the beats; hips gyrating and bodies dripping from the sea of foam. And all the while, the team of camera operators, directors, shaders and sound working in sync to create a montage of beautiful images.

As the music faded and the dj left, I was on a high. What an amazing experience. As I was driving home, alone in my car with my thoughts lulling me back to self, I realised what a privilege it is to be able to create a constant flow of beautiful images as a means of telling a story. A story that evolves and diversifies with every, single moment. And I get to capture every moment that I sit behind that desk. What a job! Wow, do I love it!

Tomorrow I get to do it all over again! Til then...

Sunday, July 4, 2010

So here I am...contemplative and speculative on a dreary, cold Sunday afternoon.

It's been a series of jilted lows lately; intercepted by drama and frustration as the past few months repeat on me like a bad egg! How did I get to this place?!

Shock waves prickle my skin with each recurring flashback...how the mind tortures oneself; things you could have done or said to lessen the flow of anguish. *Cosmic Sigh*...no use now.

Sometimes I feel like I've lost my Soul Mate. That's how I felt about him in those early, happy days - those days that I spent breathless and out of control with desire and excitement... unforeseeable pain ahead of me. If only I'd walked away then...would I have been better off now? Would I have ever felt the glorious experience of Motherhood one day if this path did not come to pass? That thrusts things into perspective for me, briefly - my Angel Child; the result of a tempestuous relationship now shredded into soggy remorse.

I just want to shake him and kick him out of his egotistical bubble and tell him that he's making the biggest mistake of his life! The ebb and flow of my watery mood tumbles and tears at millions of thoughts, replenishing the regret, yet reminding me of how free I am from all the doubt and uncertainty. At least I know now in which direction I'm heading. Pros and cons. Highs and lows....Light and Dark. Love and Hate. I feel a rap song coming on!

I really thought I was over the worst; on the Road to Recovery! I wasn't exactly sure what that Road was supposed to look like - hell, people waving me on; heart aflutter at familiar sights as I remembered what it was like to be happy; a feeling of relief and warmth returning to my bruised soul. I was beginning to enjoy this sense of security. Then one, little knock and the facade came crashing down; the old theatre curtains hanging stoically in front of me, dusty and rank. Me, staring out into a dark, empty theatre; my audience long gone and no stories to tell.

I've learnt a lot about myself, no doubt. I thought I was a rolling stone...yeah, rock 'n roll man, haha - no, the kind that gathers no moss. I was on a mission to party my days away with endless tequilas in sight and music to sway my hips - that's all I wanted! How things changed! A part of me longs for those carefree days. Damn, I'm sure I'd still be hot and sought after if unexpected plans hadn't interrupted my folly! And the worst thing is that I see him out there, having the time of his life and I'm so damn jealous! Jealous that he's able to move on so quickly...and without me.

Whenever I see him, I try to find any last trace of the love he once felt, but his eyes are cold and empty. Nothing. At least if I saw a thread of some kind of emotion, I'd feel better, as if it's merely the complicated circumstances that have driven us apart. Not one bit. Here I sit with my heart heavy from residue and his heart is empty. Despite all the conflict and pain, I still long for him next to me, beside me, around me, holding me. It might be mere habit, but it feels so real and raw.

I see opportunities opening up around me though and my will is to explore. I know it's going to get better as each day drops away, but here I am, not wanting to let go because that means I'll have to let go! There is no hope for us. I have to banish my conventional ideals and give up the chase of for better or worse. It's time to rewrite my history.

And so I retire for the night, slightly lighter in mood and I bid you adieu! Tomorrow is a blank page and I endeavor to fill it however I see fit. Er, in Love and Light? Good night!

WMC 2011, Miami

I was woken up from my crusty dreams this morning by a call from home...my heart ached! I heard my little boy on the other side asking me for huggles ...gosh, I nearly broke down! I mss him with every fibre in my body.

On the other hand, I've been very preoccupied with the World Music Conference in Miami.

It's been a week of partying, networking and too much of walking! Submitting myself to the luxury of cabs these days! Five Dollar - cheap-cheap!

On the whole, I've been somewhat disappointed with the international dance scene in Miami. The idea that the World Music Conference (WMC) represents the international dance scene seems subjective and limited. Most of the events and parties organised for the Conference are House music parties and to my surprise, most of the music is dated and commercial. On two occasions now my friend and I have tried to find a throbbing club with heavy dance tracks to no avail. None of the clubbers seem to mind though; whooping and waving their hands in the air with vacuous delight.

As far as the potential for visual stimulation at the parties is concerned, I have been further surprised that the art of vj'ing is something of a novelty still. The images have been mediocre and dull and seem to be pre-recorded and automated. I have only seen one vj at a club and his visual story lost my attention very quickly. Although this undeveloped art is disappointing and unexciting, this spells opportunity for me. Clearly the art of the vj has a long way to go before it becomes an interdependent element in the club experience and it's encouraging to see that South Africa might actually be ahead in this department - I have seen some amazing visuals at parties in Johannesburg.

Not all bad though; the weekend is upon us and there are some brilliant events lined up so I'm excited to see what the WMC is able to conjure up for its fans.

Until then...nts-nts-nts...

Chorizo Sausage Bikini Body

I have a little bottle of rescue drops attached to my belt and every time I have a panic attack, I take a swig. Instant relief.

Why am I so nervous, you ask? I'm only going to...MIAMIII!! Sure, the mammoth plane trip shouldn't freak me out, nor the nasty injection I have to administer before the plane trip, thanks to my maddening thrombosis (I can see myself now, hiding in the toilet cubicle in the airport while my flight is boarding, willing myself to puncture myself and get on with it...sweat and the shakes...oh hell!)

I am looking forward to absorbing myself in my my new book during the flight though - calming my nerves and escaping the jitters. 'The Delta', by Tony Park. Supposed to be a gripping read. I also bought myself a notebook to jot down my demented ramblings. That should keep me occupied during the flight. And then there's always whiskey!!

So I took myself off to the salon today to smother my body in spray tan. The beautician asked me which shade I'd like: light, medium or dark. "Medium" I blurted, thinking it would be a mild transformation for my in-the-process-bikini-body. Well, thank goodness I didn't go for the dark; I look like a chorizo sausage! What's worse, when I de-robed at home to survey the transformation, my heart sank...hiding below my butt, were two strikingly white stripes where the paint had come off after sitting in the car! Groan...Aren't they supposed to warn you about these things? She said I should avoid any contact with clothes or water for eight hours (extremely difficult unless you're walking home in the nude!) but as soon as I can, I'm going to attack those stripes with a bottle of fake tan and hopefully, my zebra status will diminish rapidly!

So here I sit, procrastinating the mountain of packing behind me; its messy mound messing with my sanity as I ponder the chores ahead of me before I leave 'terra firma' tomorrow.

Well, I best get to it. Where to start? Where does one start - shoes? A good a place as any. Here goes. The next time I drop a line, will be in Miami, Baby!!

Good-bye and love you all.
PS: My heart breaks at the thought of leaving my beautiful boy for a week and I'm going to be miserable for a few hours, but I'm hoping that'll all disappear as soon as my feet hit the ground.

To infinity and beyond!!!

Half-baked Pie

I think I might be seething! I've always wondered what it might be like to experience a seethe...well, I think this is it! I quote from the dictionary: 'to surge or foam as if boiling'. Inner hell-pit boiling with rage? Check!

I had the misfortune of having the carpet swept out from under me this weekend by my charming ex-boyfriend. The word boyfriend and this man said in the same sentence is enough to make me seethe! The list of heathen words I'd like to use in his 'honour' are boundless, but I refrain for your sake.

His deceitful actions on the weekend have opened a whole new can of worms. I see earthquakes and fierce volcanoes erupting in the weeks to come. We cannot agree on anything and we have tried to work things out amongst ourselves as we go along, but unfortunately we end up butting heads at every turn.

It's really quite sad. I had such fertile dreams about starting a family, no matter how difficult things seemed to be. I always imagined that this road was our destiny and that there would be joy and unicorns and confetti at the end of it! Wrong movie!

However, I am truly grateful that we did not persevere our relationship because I fear we'd both be dead!

That all said and all the rancid rant extinguished from my mind, I am left with a deep sadness that things have evolved with such malice between us. We shall be a part of each other's lives for as long as we both shall live for the sake of our child and we have to find a way of dealing with that.

My soul is such that I strive to be the best I can be in every situation. My heart pumps custard at the slightest adversity! I realise now that my gentleness has been my mistake. Boundaries maketh man, it should be said! It's time I baked this gooey pie into something hard and crusty!

This is one helluva ride and the waves of adversity keep on coming, but I'm getting me a surfboard...with rainbows and smiley faces and unicorns!